OK, I have to say that getting it off my chest that I had an eating disorder in my last blog was a lot tougher than I expected. Emotionally, going back there and thinking about all that raced through my mind while I was in that place, was difficult. And admitting to all of my millions of readers (sarcasm) that I used to throw up my food felt incredibly shameful. I wish I could say it felt liberating to share it. I wish I could say I felt empowered and emboldened. But all I felt while sharing that chapter was incredible sadness for young Melissa and all the millions of girls and women who have dealt with or are still dealing with those same struggles.
I think about the community of starving girls I found online back then and I hope that they all are OK. I wish for them that they overcame their eating disorders and found contentment and happiness in their skin. I hope they can eat cookies without hating themselves. I hope they don’t spend hours analyzing their bodies from every angle possible in the mirror: pinching and pulling at every beautiful curve they have labeled as fat, rolls, or disgusting. I hope they can sit on the couch without pulling a pillow over their belly to hide something. I wish for them that they don’t weigh themselves every day, several times a day, and cry when the number has raised one ounce.
There is a better way to live life and I am happy I am kind of almost maybe a little bit there.
Part 1 ended with me being a couple years into marriage and feeling lost about food, exercise, and proper nutrition. A friend asked me to join her for Tone It Up’s annual Bikini Series. I had never heard of TIU but started following them and reading all about their brand. I was excited to finally have some direction!
There were a couple options back then for the Bikini Series. You could buy the membership and receive their nutrition guide and follow along with the workouts for 8 weeks or you could just follow the workouts and receive more basic nutrition guidelines for free. The workouts were all online and they posted new ones on certain days throughout the series. They also gave you daily moves to complete along with daily challenges, tips, tricks etc.
For the next couple of years I followed along as best I could without being a full paying member. My friend send me their nutrition guide (totally cheating I know) but because I hadn’t paid for it I didn’t value it as much. It was tough for me to stick to because the portions felt small and once again it all came down to eating foods my husband preferred.
Despite some challenges with portions and it not being very man-friendly, I really enjoyed learning a little bit more about proper nutrition and the “why” behind certain foods. I think this was when I started eating quinoa and kale! I was definitely introduced to different types of wholesome nutritious foods which was a nice change.
I loved the workouts and followed those basically every day. I also started to really get into running around this time. We had a dog at this point and he and I would run around the neighborhood or to our nearby park. It started slow, maybe just 1-2 miles. But gradually we started to run farther, longer, and faster. I bought my first pair of actual running shoes! Then one day a friend invited me to go trail running with her and her dog. Let me tell you, if you think you hate running maybe you haven’t tried trail running. Trail running is a completely different experience. If you still hate running after you’ve tried running on single track OK, at least you tried. I will let it pass. The best kind of exercise is the one you will do so if running isn’t your jam, find something that is. (Ahem, have you tried cycling yet? If not, let’s talk).
After following Tone It Up for a couple years I finally bought the membership in the spring of 2017 for the Bikini Series. I stuck with it, spending hours every Sunday meal prepping, making protein pancakes by the dozen, cutting up my veggies, and eating all the kale. I had a new Instagram to connect with other TIU girls and hold myself accountable. My energy was through the roof, my skin started to change (more glowy), and I felt ahhhhhh-mazing.
At the end of the 8 week series I had definitely slimmed down, dropped some fat, a few pounds, and bloat. I looked great! It totally worked for me! I loved it.
Here was my issue: The meal-prepping was starting to get to me and I was ravenous ALL. THE. TIME.
At the time (I don’t really follow along anymore so I don’t know if it’s changed) TIU encouraged 5 meals a day; 3 bigger meals and 2 snacks. Meal prepping was a huge part of the plan so you could set yourself up for success for the week. But meal prepping started to become a burden for me, OCD and perfectionist personality here. I would panic if I wasn’t able to do it, wondering how on earth I was going to have a successful week without my perfectly prepared salads, snacks, and pancakes. I couldn’t maintain the 4+ hours every Sunday in the kitchen anymore. This led to major panic when I didn’t have snacks to grab and go, or when I had to think about what to eat on any given day during the week. Not to mention “Hangry Melissa” was no fun to be around.
I was still in school for massage therapy and I was introduced to the idea of intermittent fasting. This was just before IF got really popular and the idea of fasting, working out on an empty stomach, and skipping breakfast was still considered by many as the worst thing to do to your body. I balked at the idea of it because I couldn’t even go 2 hours between meals when awake, so how could I possibly go 16 hours without eating?? It was a ridiculous idea. But, obviously I got on board and decided to try it, which I will cover in Part 3.
I want to finish this by saying that I love Tone It Up, their message, their brand, their guide and the community. I think it was a great starting point for me and where I was in life. I learned a lot about how to properly fuel my body and what certain foods did for skin, health, belly etc. The community is positive and up-building. The workouts were fun and challenging. It introduced me to health and fitness and a whole world of “fitstagrams.” TIU has evolved and changed a lot since I became a member which is great! They have an app where you can pay a small monthly fee and have access to all sorts of workouts you can do at home or at the gym.
Like so many things in my life, I just wanted to try something different. I still follow them on social media, I made friends in the community, and I sometimes go back to the recipes when I need some inspiration. I am forever thankful I was introduced to TIU when I was. It was a time when I had no direction or inspiration. If you are looking for somewhere to start, somewhere positive, not to hard, and fun, I would check them out!
Also, thank you for reading my ramblings. I get started on a topic I feel passionate about and I have word vomit…I appreciate when my friends tell me they read my blogs. It keeps me motivated to continue writing them! Drop a comment, send me a message, or tell me in person if you are enjoying them or if there is a topic you are interested in. I am so thankful for you.